Pirates of the Caribbean 4 & Smuggled Treasures

On cheap night Tuesday, we headed out to the Mall to see Pirates 4. Busing it to such a place makes my skin crawl and the lighting does weird things to my eyes, but we had to see Disney's 4th installment of the series.

Gearing up for the movie, I smuggled in Jones Soda, Green Apple flavour, and Nativa milk chocolate. The risk of being sent to the gallows was worth it. Horrid tasting fountain pop and cheap concession stand chocolate candy do nothing for my taste buds.

We bought one of those combos that comes with 2 giant sized drinks, 1 enormous bag of popcorn, and a thing of miniature candy bars. One of my pals took the two drinks, since he drinks like a fish. Once he quickly drank the first pop, I poured the Green Apple over his leftover ice.

Cue the movie: When I saw previews showing some of the interaction between Jack Sparrow (Depp) and Angelica Malon (Penélope Cruz), To be honest, the whole Will Turner/Elizabeth Swan plot of the previous movies bored me nearly to death.

Well, imagine my surprise when the whole Jack/Angelica relationship turned out to be a bunch of tease! What? It's all verbal acrobatics, jokes about their previous time together while she stayed in a convent, ie: 'Was I your first?' he asked. The real question is, will the fifth movie be the first in which Jack gets to show us some of that reputation of his?

Yeah, there'll be a fifth movie. The end of this one (after the 3 hour reel of credits roles by) indicates as much. Hey, you don't kill the cash cow when it's still churning out the goods.

Okay, so the love element is, once again, presented by a young, virginal couple, bible-thumper Philip (Sam Claflin) and mermaid Syerena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey). They hookup when the pirates and the British and Spanish navies go on the hunt for vampires - I mean - mermaids, as part of the quest for the Fountain of Youth. That scene, with its bevy of vampish--er, fishy--women, comes off as a nice nod to Brahm Stoker's Dracula.

Speaking of the un-dead, zombies are included in this movie. Sadly, they don't get much screen time, other than to look the part and handle a few tiny bits of action. Course, they get more action than the Black Pearl's monkey and the Pearl herself. Yeah, it's gone, stuck in a bottle. Poor thing. Oh well, maybe she'll be riding the high seas in #5? No doubt, mate.

I'm running out of space, so I better talk about the villains here. They served up Blackbeard (Ian McShane), to balance out Balbosa (Geoffrey Rush). Yawn. My Green Apple soda offered more of a bite. I guess they spoiled us with Davy Jones (Bill Nighy). I didn't find Blackbeard or his ship the slightest bit intimidating. Mutiny? You bet. I want Davy back.

Balbosa did a far better job of being creepy. All he had to do was put on a British navy uniform and one of those wigs. *shudder* It worked for me. I didn't feel comfortable until he put his pirate gear back on. ...and here I throw in a quick nod to Mr. Gibbs (Kevin McNally), who sadly, didn't get his usual story-telling space--Balbosa stole that. Hrmpf.

Oh yes, the last thing to mention is the plot. The what? That's what I said. The hunt for the Fountain acted as the thin thread that bound it all together. Small points like the historical English-Spanish rivalry got a few acknowledgements. And, of course, we laughed at all the right places.

Pirates 4: 7 / 10 ~ Despite the disappointments mentioned above, it's still a fun movie to watch. I'd go see it again, but I hope they make Jack and Angelica the love interest in Pirates 5.

Food: 10 / 10 ~ Everything, from the popcorn to the chocolate and Crab Apple, tasted just right. In fact, the soda kept its flavour the entire movie.  

Justin Timberlake's Golden Rule and A Morning Cup of Hot Chocolate

Sometimes you just gotta get silly.  That means, you have to watch Justin Timberlake's Golden Rule, from the May 22 episode of Saturday Night Live.  It also stars Andy Samberg and Lady Gaga.  Yeah yeah ye-ye-yeah!

I'm no fan of JT's music; he's a comedian, not a singer. A good example is his Single Ladies parody with Beyonce.  "We're the dancers," he says right off the bat, letting us know that "Oh uh ah ah oh," the trio of three men in heels rock it.

Back to the Andy Samberg collaboration.  It all started with the D*ck in a Box, a video about two 80s style guys giving their women what they want most.  No need to buy Xmas gifts.The sequel to that one, Mother Lover, saw them team up with Susan Sarandon  and Patricia Clarkson.  It takes the whole MILF and Mother's Day to an extreme worth watching repeatedly.

To be honest, I didn't take in the "Golden Rule" during Satuday's showing of SNL; I work the graveyard shift.  That's okay, youtube had it ready for me the next morning.  Plus, I got to drink Ten Thousand Villages fair trade hot chocolate while I played the video not once or twice, but ten times in a row!  Oh, the power of internet streaming.

Normally, I don't get down with the 80s --they make me cringe, but hey, JT pulls it off and leaves you laughing the entire time. Without him, SNL would have wilted and died long ago. I'm gonna be watching JT's creative pursuits with Samberg through thick and thin.

Lady Gaga does a great job playing the honey in the middle, although she didn't have as many costume changes as I expected.    They could have given her more lines, but hey, the series is all about the boys.  I understand that. Sarandon and Clarkson don't say or sing any lines and yet they play just as powerful and potent parts.  The spoken word isn't necessary to create on-screen electricity.

Important questions cropped up, like:  Will Sarandon and Clarkson show some jealousy in the next video (hopefully slated for early next season)?  Will we see a standoff between the MILFs and Gaga?  Will the boys move onto more risqué action?  The possibilities are endless.

Long after I drained the hot chocolate from my mug, the video replayed on, over and over.   It came across as, well, perfect, in every little detail, from Gaga's hair and makeup, to the bus and the old-school mobile phone.  I thought about making another hot chocolate, but unlike JT SNL videos, there is such a thing as too much chocolate.

Ratings:

SNL's Golden Rule:  11 / 10 - Something this perfect, this extraordinary, this hilarious, is more than perfect.  There is no grey area here.  Laa laa!

TTV Hot Chocolate:  10/10 - Although it's not as great as the "Golden Rule," it sure makes for a great accessory, plus, it's organic.  Just make sure you don't drink it too fast, or you'll run out long before you tire of JT's comedy sketches.

Of Rain and Chocolate Covered Sunflower Seeds

We lucked out this year: our landlord redid a section next to the side of our apartment building with fresh soil so that we could create a community garden!  I've got a chunk and somebody else has the other half.  I'm working mine with a few other people.

I learned my lesson from years past, with things like tomatoes.  One plant is enough to feed two people all season long.  This year, the garden will provide for a handful of dedicated weeders.

This planting season started out a disaster.  Oh sure, rain is good, great, and fantastic, but not on a daily basis or with lower than normal temperatures. 

I've been patiently waiting to start the small garden.  We plan on growing flowers around the sides and vegetable rows in the middle.  I took an hour or two to scoop away some mud and plant seeds and a few seedlings.

The flowers are done!  I have no idea what they're called, but if they grow, they'll be quite nice.  I do know that along the chain link fence that separates the properties, there will eventually be morning glory blossoms. 

I managed to get three rows of veggies planted before the rain started up again.  Green and yellow beans, onions, and um... something else.  Uh ... 

At the top of each row, I placed alternating baby cukes and celery.  They're already started, so they should be okay.  Unless the rain continues.  Course, we don't have it anywhere near as bad as people along the Mississippi River.  We are fortunate here, it's just delayed spring and everything that comes along with it.

Another problem, of course, is the local wildlife.  Birds pick at the seeds and dig for worms, while squirrels set out to destroy the plants and vegetables by biting/ripping/chewing them to death.  Oh, they don't need the nutrients, they just do it for laughs.  I know because I've watched a few.  

Don't even get me started on the pumpkins.  One year they chewed at them every night until they could crawl right inside and eat the seeds out.

...But this year's garden will be different (if it stops raining).

Oh the chocolate, right!  For the first time ever, I came across chocolate covered sunflower seeds in this area.  Now, I don't shop at all the stores in town, especially since I hoof/bus it everywhere, so when I see something, I grab it.  Word out on the street is, these little candies are delicious, and they're quite popular in the US and overseas in countries like Korea.  No word of a lie.  In some regions, they tell the children that the candied sunflowers are healthy.  Sure, if you count the 4 grams of protein listed on the back and whatever minute amount of other nutrients you get from the seeds themselves.  The rest of it is pure tasty garbage.

Unlike the garden, these little candies didn't stand a chance.  I ripped the package open and dropped them into a couple bowls (oh what, you thought I was going to eat all of them?) and served them up.  

Now, the first ingredient in these babies is sugar, with actual sunflowers listed at third.  Yikes.  That's a lot of processed sugar and yes, the shell felt thicker than it needed to be.  The company could have dipped the seeds in cane-based chocolate, but then I suppose the cost would have increased ten-fold.  

At any rate, we chomped on them until they were gone.  It took about 3 minutes, if I overestimate the time.  No, it wasn't a healthy snack, but you only live once, right?  

Ratings:

Gardening:  6 / 10 - too muddy, wet, and cold.  Thanks a lot, whoever is responsible for the current weather.  Mother nature?  Humans?  Both?

Life Brand Chocolate Covered Sunflower Seeds:  

7 / 10 - Scored points as a novelty, but as a chocolate,

it contained way too much junk. Hopefully they come 

out with a dark chocolate version using cane sugar.

Thor - no Alexander Skarsgard, but at least we had organic Chocolate

Okay, so, armed with Nativa Organics Milk Chocolate, we headed off to the theater to watch Thor, a movie starring Stellan Skarsgard (Professor Erik Selvig), Natalie Portman (Jane Foster), Colm Feore (King Laufey), Tom Hiddleston (Loki), Renee Russo (Frigga), and Anthony Hopkins (Odin).

Oh yeah, and the guy who played Thor--no, sorry, it wasn't Alexander Skarsgard--Chris Hemsworth (yeah, yeah, I've already said this guy played Thor, get over it already).

First, it's important to mention that it's against the law to bring outside food into movie theaters.  You can be charged for this heinous crime and maybe thrown in jail or something.  I really don't know what the consequences are; I've never been caught!

Anyway... the reason I smuggled chocolate into the movies centers around two important facts:  1)  it just tastes so much better than the standard fare  and 2)  cane sugar far outranks the processed sugars in movie candy.

On top of the chocolate, I ended up drinking bottled water with popcorn.  I'm not into the fountain pop.  I'd rather just lick a few sugar cubes.  I'm considering smuggling in Jones Soda next time.  We'll see how that goes...  Of course, the popcorn tasted good.  It could sit in the cupboard for 3 days and turn soft and it would still appeal to me.  That's how I roll, I guess.

Back to Thor... It is ironic that Stellan Skarsgard has a part in the movie, but his son, Alexander doesn't.  From what the internet says, he did make the running, just not the final cut.  I'm willing to bet that the choice came down to pure looks.  Dare I say that Hemsworth is a tad cuter than the wonderful Eric Northman?  I just did.

As far as acting goes, AS far outranks the chosen Thor.  I mean, seriously, the chemistry between Thor and Jane is best summed up as lukewarm water, with Jane doing all the heating.

Hey, it had to be said.  Sure, the guy comes across as pure Eye Candy, but there are only a couple scenes that appreciate that aspect.  Let's see, they gave us the topless tight jeans, the walking around in jeans and t-shirt, and the must-struggle-with-Hammer sweaty bit.  Okay, maybe there were a few more shots, but still...


Judging from the audience on the night that we went, it presented as enjoyable and fun.  And yes, the people behind the production clearly knew that they chose Thor for visual affect; even the Manly Males in the seats were making noise when the camera shots purposely honed in on his handsome attributes.

Speaking of Manly Things, I had trouble with the believability concerning his Hammer.  It just came across as fake.  I don't know if the colouring had anything to do with it, or maybe the long, skinny   handle did, but it just didn't work for me at all.  Even if the handle was made out of pure steel, it just didn't fly.

All the celestial CGI artwork, on the other hand, did turn out as beautiful scenery.  Maybe it's because I'm not an astrophysicist or astronomer; it looked fine to me.  Even the ice scenes with King Laufey turned out quite pleasing to the eye.

Tom Hiddleston's Loki didn't come across as too sinister.  I suppose that's a good thing, since some parents brought their toddlers into the theater to watch the movie. Yeah, crazy, I know, especially given that the scenes with Laufey were a bit too dark for that age group.  Maybe the parents thought the PG-13 rating didn't apply to their uber-intelligent 3 and 4 year-olds.

I can't say much about Russo's bit part, other than she looked nice.  She played a wonderful mommy to Thor and Loki, yes she did.  I don't remember any of her lines though, maybe something about love...

Portman did alright as a gung-ho scientist working her way towards producing big results in the science world.  I wonder how she would have played opposite AS.  But she  did a fine job given the Thor at her disposal.

All in all the movie came across as light and fun, but I definitely wouldn't bring a toddler or preschooler to see it.  I would, however, bring all my single firends who are into hot Viking men.

Ratings

Thor:  7 / 10 - Loses 1 point for the fake looking Hammer and 2 points for the miscasting of Thor.   Otherwise, it's an enjoyable experience with many fun moments.

Nativa Milk Chocolate:  9 / 10 - Great tasting organic chocolate.  Only one problem, it's so yummy that I wolf it down faster than Loki travels between worlds and schemes his way through deals with King Laufey.

Chocolate Bonding

Over here in this part of the world, we are trying to get Spring to visit.  It's May already and yet we're still wearing sweaters and socks and shoes. 

To warm things up, a friend, whom I'll call Jack-O, suggested that we get together and cook up some authentic hot chocolate from the movie Chocolat.  

Naturally, I possess a copy of the cookbook, written by Joanne Harris and Fran Warde.  On a side note, Harris wrote the original novel, which the movie is loosely based on.  But never mind that, it's a post about how we went about making the recipe and whether it turned out.

Oh, the suspense!

First, we had to procure all the ingredients for the tasty delight.  Jack-O is a milk drinker, so she had that, and I like hot foods, so I brought the chili peppers.  The recipe also called for optional brown sugar so I substituted cane instead.  The vanilla, 70% cocoa chocolate, and whipping cream we found at a local drugstore, after finding the market closed.  Geez, you'd think they'd be open on the day we decide to make our treat...

Now, Jack-O, she didn't turn out to have the greatest kitchen supplies, so we improvised.  A vegetable peeler worked to shred the chocolate into small flakes for easy melting while two forks took the place of a whisk to turn the cream from liquid to fluffy goodness.  My arm is still numb.  

Pouring it into the mugs, we applied mountains of whipped cream to each.  The photograph in the book showed the prepared drink with a dribble of chocolate over top the cream - well, the recipe called for chocolate shavings.  Totally thrown off course, the discrepancy nearly cost us our friendship!  In the end, I agreed to put up with the shavings.  

Another thing that bothered us initially centered around the added chili. The recipe called for a whole one, seeded, and removed from the mix after the simmering process - we ended up using dried crushed pepper.  It worked.

Sipping on the hot chocolate left such an exquisite taste in our mouths.  The subtleness of hot pepper combined with real dark chocolate blew us away.  

I don't know if the combination of cocoa and chili peppers is legal in this country, but I will say that ingesting it leaves the mind in an altered state.  

Floating along, we found ourselves in a magical moment.  The damned cocoa-peppers got us drunk!  Regardless of the means, we were there, in the same state of mind--but without the presence of Johnny Depp...

The cups sat unfinished!  Foods made with real ingredients instead of processed syrups tend to curb the appetite.  That meant more for later.

Rating:  10 / 10 - excellent taste, smell, feel, and atmosphere.

Hangover 1 & Eating Like You've Got One...

Hangover Part II comes out May 26th.  Oh my.  Bradley Cooper is in it.  I have no idea who the other actors are, except for Mike Tyson (only because of his infamy, I can't really call him an actor).  Yes, it is wrong to slight the rest of the team--but it's all about The Coop.

In order to celebrate the coming event of HPII, we decided to obtain a copy of The Hangover.  Now, just to be clear here, we did in fact purchase it, as we do all our movies/music/books.  As an artist, I believe in giving other artisans their due payment.

To watch such a fun movie, we needed to prepare for the optimum viewing experience. It included making sure we had enough food and drink to stuff our glutinous mouths continuously.  Such decisions need to be made with careful consideration.  We ended up choosing Jones' Soda Blue Bubble Gum, Kernels' cheese popcorn, and a couple of Laura Secord's "Easter Eggs."*

*Warning:  Do not try this at home unless you have the tolerance for way too much sugar all at once.

The movie, which I'd seen before, turned out to be just as hilarious the second time round.  Say what you want about the bachelor party debate, but I didn't watch it to critique the societal significance of various themes.  The Coop, action, and absurd possibilities were about all that interested me, and the movie did not disappoint.  Yes, the Coop as an underpaid school teacher...

While the whole cast was solid, Ken Jeong, the actor who played Mr. Chow, went above and beyond during his short on-screen appearances. He pulled off some great comedic timing.  From the previews of HPII, it appears that he's going to be back and in fine form.  Good.  On a sad note, Heather Graham won't be returning.

The subplot that revolved around the tiger bothered me enough that even suspended disbelief couldn't cut it, I'll admit.  First, doesn't keeping a tiger in a hotel room over night mean that the place would stink up with mountains of cat crap, and second, would any exotic animal owner in their right mind let a bunch of hungover idiots transport the pet back home?  I mean, come on, not even Tyson would let that go down. None of that ruined the tasty eating, though, fortunately.

While observing the scene where Phil (The Coop), Stu (Ed Helms), Alan (Zack Galifianakis) and Baby Tyler (played by a bunch of different infant actors) are sitting at a table, trying to figure out the night before, I had an epiphany:  Jones Soda needs to create a flavour called 'The Coop.'  It's a great idea, I hope that other soda companies don't read this and make it first...


Ratings:


The Hangover:  8.5 / 10  - Great action, lively interaction, funny scenes, suspension of disbelief worked, but, sadly, there wasn't enough screen time given to The Coop.  Oh well.

Jones Soda:  9 / 10 - Mmm, refreshing blue bubble gum taste, done up with inverted cane sugar (always a bonus, if you're gonna choose sugar), and looked quite pretty in the glass mug with ice cubes.  The only draw back was that damn, those bottles are so small.

Kernels:  6.5 / 10 - Not bad for fresh popcorn to chew on like a hungry cow while watching a movie, but it didn't have the best cheese flavour and the popcorn was nowhere near as firm and crunchy as traditional movie popcorn.  Lesson learned.

Laura Secord:  8.5 / 10 - To be honest, I didn't even look at the ingredients before devouring the 75g egg. Crazy.  I knew that the taste of Secord chocolates is on average, good.  My mouth enjoyed the gooey insides and breaking off bits of the outer chocolate shell.  The only downside to such a treat was the price; which was steep even on sale.

May Day Chocolate

May Day, an annual celebration of work, labour, spring, the Beltane... and also a great time to start a blog.

I've worked many jobs, from field labourer to waitress to line work in factories and teaching various subjects. Now, I eat chocolate while exploring the self-employed life.

Instead of marching or gathering with others, I decided to take it easy today.   My bones are tired and weak from years of living pay cheque to pay cheque.  So, I'm eating Fair Trade Orange Milk Chocolate right now.  

Recently, pastry makers worked hard creating His and Her Wedding Cakes.  Nothing else matters about that extravagant union of two people I've never met.  Forget the wedding dress and the cousin's sculpture-hat--the cake is where it's at.  Yes, the thousands of workers that pulled off the event all deserve kudos for their concentrated effort, but the cake is the topic here.

Ratings:

Bride & Beyond

White fruit cake:  8 / 10 for sheer size - it loses 2 points for being fruit instead of chocolate.

Chocolate biscuit cake:  7.5 / 10 - a biscuit cake deserves to be displayed in a much more playful manner than stuffy squared layers.  Say something like this biscuit cake displayed at Bridal Musings.*  The author of that blog, Elizabeth, feels the same about the cake.

Orange Milk Chocolate:  10 / 10  - Okay, so I didn't get to taste any of the royal cakes, I based their scores solely on visual appeal--but I did get to devour this perfect chocolate.

*I don't read bridal mags/sites, I went there for the cake!